Global Courant
The loneliness, the hopelessness, the feeling of being a burden. And on top of that, those pains. When all this is put together, it can happen that elderly people in need of care lose the will to live.
“I don’t want it anymore” or “I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow.” When the grandmother or the father says these phrases, the situation is very difficult for the family members. And they worry about the person they love so much getting hurt. How can you help? Some questions and answers on the topic:
How much space do topics such as the end of life and dying occupy among people in need of care and their families?
The very finiteness of life is an issue that occupies people in need of care. And many of them have no problem expressing questions and thoughts about the topic in front of their loved ones.
This is demonstrated by a recent survey carried out in Germany by the Center for Quality Care (ZQP) together with the National Suicide Prevention Program (NASPro). For this purpose, 1,000 people over 45 years of age were surveyed, all considered family members in charge of care. 85 percent said the person in need of care talked to them about dying and death.
About half of the family members surveyed remembered expressions that indicated little desire to live. The most common was the desire not to wake up (27 percent) and the feeling of being useless (27 percent). Six percent of family members indicated that the person they were caring for had expressed a desire to end their life.
Why exactly are these thoughts of being fed up with life generated?
It is good to know that when someone expresses tiredness of living, that does not necessarily imply that they really plan to take their own life, that is, commit suicide, ZQP points out. But the transition between tiredness of living and suicidal ideas is often fluid, so family members must be very attentive.
Behind the desire to no longer want to live, in many cases there is depression. “It is an independent disease and more than a simple reaction to living conditions. Symptoms are often misinterpreted,” says psychiatrist Ulrich Hegerl.
Predisposition plays an important role in the development of depression. Anyone who has already suffered from depression earlier in their life may have episodes of the disease again.
Above all, if – as in the case of those in need of care in old age – various factors are added that mitigate the desire to live: pain, the feeling of depending on another, but also hopelessness, shame or conflicts with others. relatives.
How should I react if someone expresses tiredness of living?
“It is important to detect the specific causes and what especially affects the person in need of care,” summarizes Ralf Suhr, president of the Center for Quality Care. This requires open listening and understanding questioning.
When you get a glimpse of where those dark thoughts come from, appropriate help can be organized. Perhaps the possibilities of pain therapy have not yet been exhausted. Perhaps families can develop ideas for how loneliness can be reduced.
According to Hegerl, it is also an important step to clarify with professionals whether there is depression or some other psychological disorder behind the lack of desire to live. That is, contact a clinical doctor or psychiatrist, make an appointment and accompany the person to the consultation.
These are all things that those affected can hardly do alone. “People with depression have a hard time asking for help. Exhaustion, hopelessness, the feeling of being a burden to others, all of that is included in the disease,” says Hegerl.
How can I detect how serious possible suicidal thoughts are?
Hegerl recommends organizing a conversation along these lines in two parts. In the first part, it is about detecting how high the risk of suicide is. And just that. “This means that one should avoid offering comfort and help,” the psychiatrist recommends.
Instead, family members should ask questions: Since when do you have such dark thoughts? Do you make concrete plans to kill yourself? Have you ever been close to doing it in your life?
“They are very committed dialogues,” says Hegerl. But they can help family members get an idea of what the situation might be like. It depends on how they can react and help.
And that will be in the second part of the conversation. Then you can propose to arrange an appointment with a doctor. Or say: “I’m going to make sure that you’re not alone in the beginning.” It is important to keep in mind that if there is a high risk of suicide, you must act immediately.
It is important, according to experts, to leave people in need of care with telephone numbers where they can ask for help at any time, for example, from family members or crisis centers.
