Global Courant 2023-05-09 16:00:55
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Episode 5: “New Areas.” As a young mother, Paulina becomes disillusioned with her family life and longs for independence and a space to call her own. Once she opens a new psychic shop, she meets some new customers who give her a glimpse into their outside world – and there’s no turning back.
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When you go caving or visit a deep underground cave, the guides often point out an optical illusion.
Under the ground it is difficult to spatially assess the environment. Things that are big seem small. Things that are close look far away, and vice versa. This illusion is especially strong when looking at stalactites, the mineral formations that dangle from the ceiling of a cave. Sometimes they seem small when in fact they are the size of sequoias.
The guides warn you about this because if you don’t have a point of reference you can get disoriented, so if you go far enough you could get dangerously lost.
When Paulina Stevens started dipping her toes into a non-Roman lifestyle, she was essentially peering into the depths of a new cave. So she looked to her new clients-turned-friends, Amber Peck and Matt Verminski, for points of reference.
“There was no shame in sharing with Amber. … She would give me her opinion, she would give me some advice, show me things from a different point of view.’
— Paulina Stevens in “Foretold”
At a time when Paulina was feeling particularly out of sync, she started talking to her friends about her family life. Perhaps she craved some sort of reassurance.
“A lot of the things she would bring up, I think she brought them up to confirm that, ‘Is this normal?’ No, it’s not normal. I think you already know it’s not normal.’
— Matt Verminski in “Foretold”
But “normal” is actually another way of saying “point of reference.” Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
Matt and Paulina both looked at what ‘normal’ meant from two very different points of view. So even though Matt didn’t fully understand what was going on, Paulina was eager to hear his take on her life. She was very curious about his perspective as an outsider.’
— Faith Pinho in “Foretold”
As Paulina grew annoyed with the limitations of her life, little by little she began to deviate from her prescribed path. First she moved to a new store and then to a new house away from her in-laws’ house. She no longer dressed so traditionally. She got a driver’s license.
All that distance and time away wasn’t enough. And in one particularly dramatic moment, Paulina described how her mother-in-law, Ruby, confronted her about her absence.
“Do you feel like we’re not good enough? Just want more? Do you want to do more?’
— Paulina Stevens, recalling Ruby’s words, in “Foretold”
The boundaries of her life felt limiting to Paulina. For a while, she thought she just had to adjust to that discomfort. Ruby seemed comfortable in the seclusion.
But Ruby’s questions felt a little too sharp, Paulina remembered. Maybe Ruby can tell you something. And that possibility led Paulina to think not only about wanting change, but what exactly that change might be.
“Before that moment, I was thinking more like, ‘I just don’t want to be here.’ That is it. “I just don’t want to be here.” I didn’t think about what I really wanted.’
— Paulina Stevens in “Foretold”
After growing closer to Matt and Amber, while moving further away from her in-laws and husband, Paulina decided she had gained enough reference points to explore. She picked a direction and dove right in.
— Jazmin Aguilera
Go even deeper
‘Roman women are not a monolith. But we all suffer from patriarchy and marginalization, both within our culture and from the outside world,’ says activist and scientist Nicoleta Bitu.
