Global Courant
All 192 members of the United Nations meet under an emergency meeting to come together so that there would be a Christmas this year. Leaders from around the world showed up in support of Santa Claus, so that the children would have Christmas this year. It was a suspense filled event that brought promise of world peace in the future. Leaders from China, North Korea, South Korea, The Russian Federation, and Britain sat at the same table without throwing food at each other. This emergency meeting took place on Oahu.
This Christmas disaster started earlier in the week after Santa Claus went out of the North Pole in the dead of night. This was done in a bid to save himself from US forces that were amassing along the boarder of the pole. They were getting ready to storm the North Pole and take over operations. It seems Santa had a cookie problem that not only caused him health problems, but put the First Bank of the North Pole into insolvency. Money was taken from a bail out package the Obama administration had loaned Santa. This was not a large sum, $3,782.13, but Santa just couldn’t come up with the cash. When Santa realized he would not be able to pay back the money in full and on time, the stress was too much and he skipped town.
It is now known that Santa Claus was in a Caribbean island rehabilitation center receiving help for his food issues. Doctors worked around the clock to help Santa with his dietary regimen. Santa was put on a diet of carrot sticks and celery juice. This seemed to do the trick. Santa can now have cookies and milk, just in moderation and low-fat is better. Santa said, with a wink, he will stick to this diet as best as he can.
As soon as Santa was released from the rehabilitation clinic he was rushed by reindeer express to Oahu, Hawaii for the United Nations meeting. He received a standing ovation from all those who attended the meeting. When things settled down the President of the United States, Barack Obama, said he had very good news to tell the world. The president wanted the world’s children to know “Christmas is on”. After looking at the fine print in the federal bailout package it was found that Santa and his elves qualify for a green energy credit. You see, Santa’s main form of transportation is reindeer. They emit no green house gases and are considered Eco friendly. All the money Santa owed the US government for his “cookie addiction” has been forgiven.
It is also reported that Santa’s SCEP, Secret Cookie Elfin Project, has disbanded. Yes, under threat of a massive show of force from the US Marines, the elves have laid down their candy canes and returned home. Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, has ordered all troops out of the North Pole area and to come home for Christmas.
Since the emergency meeting of the United Nations ended early in a success President Obama, the Queen of England, and Fidel Castro decided to rent some long boards at the Hawaii Surfboard Rental company on Oahu and catch some sweet waves. The president was reported as tearing it up and the Queen of England wiped out. Fidel took video.
An after hours party was attended by many at the Tiki Bar and Grill. Events there cannot be reported, because what happens at the Tiki Bar and Grill stays at the Tiki Bar and Grill. At the end of the night though, Santa on his way out, said Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
This “cookie addiction” story is dedicated to the brave service men and brave service woman who serve the United States. It is because of your sacrifice that my family may live free and my children can go to sleep safely. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your families this holiday season, as always. May you come home safe and sound.
Santa’s Cookie Problem Solved – There Will Be Christmas This Year!
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